Ice, Ice, Baby
by CookieWolfScarlet
Summary: (Slightly Crackish Based on a weird dream a friend of mine had.) Punk comes back to cause a little trouble, but it looks like The Shield has that covered


_(a/n: I wrote this last Monday after a good friend of mine on Tumblr mentioned a strange dream she had. Enjoy the crackishness)_

Ice, Ice, Baby

Punk grunted as he tossed his dufflebag over his shoulder. The company really wanted to go down this route? Ignoring him after he'd decided to leave because of the absolute clusterfuck that was the WWE? Those little shits even ignored him on Twitter.

Fucking _really?_

He muttered under his breath and made his way in through the back entrance, a hood over his head. He didn't wear his own merchandise and he had on sweatpants, so he was sure no one would know who he was if they were to glance at him. He had arrived about 10 minutes into the show and slid into the monitor bay, standing in the back and watching on quietly as he brought his diet Pepsi up to his lips.

He immediately choked on it, drawing attention to himself. Zack was the first one to look. His face lit up.

"Punk! Bro! Are you coming back? Bro, I missed you, you had me worried-"

"Zack."

"Yeah, bro?"

"What the _fuck_ is going on outside?!" He snapped. Zack glanced back at the screen and scratched his head, chuckling uneasily.

"Stephanie figured if we all carried on like usual, the crowd would be too busy chanting for you to pay attention to the rest of us so…she wanted us to do something to catch their attention" He explained slowly.

Punk's eye twitched.

(In the Ring)

'_Sierra, Hotel, India, Echo, Lima, Delta, SHIELD'_

Dean, Seth, and Roman made their way down to the ring quickly, each of them holding a small bag. Seth looked absolutely giddy while Dean and Roman were scowling. The three stopped at the barricade and instead of Dean leading the charge, jumping over first, he sat on it, opening the bag while muttering angrily under his breath. Roman sat on the other side, closer to the announce table, shaking his head slowly. Seth was seated in the space between them, bouncing happily while he kicked off his normal wrestling boots. He placed them in the bag after producing his new footwear.

A pair of ice skates.

"I think this is stupid and we shouldn't be doing this." Roman grumbled as he did the same. Dean continued to rattle off under his breath, rubbing his jaw with the palm of his hands in that squirrely way of his. Seth pouted and pushed Roman's shoulder.

"Why not? It'll be fun!" He tried to reason. Dean finally found his voice from beside him.

"We're damn wrestlers, Seth! We're going to take two steps and completely bust our asses out here on this damn rink! Steph didn't even give us any protection!" He snapped. Seth pouted even more.

"You can whine all you want, Dean. I'm enjoying this." Seth muttered with a small '_hmph_' before he jumped down from the barricade and effortlessly glided out onto the ice. Roman and Dean stared at him, deadpan.

"You know, we always _could_-"

"Dean, we're not leaving Seth in the middle of an ice rink with three opponents. Get your ass out there." Roman cut Dean off before the auburn could even voice his plan, shoving him off the barricade. Dean landed flat on his face.

"futher mucker!" Dean's curse was muffled and Roman did his best not to laugh as he himself jumped off the barricade. He took one wobbly step and immediately fell over because Dean grabbed onto his ankle. The larger man barked out a curse and looked down at Dean, who was staring up at him with that Moxley-like crazed look in his eyes. Roman glared in response.

Seth took this as his cue to cut in and glided over, helping them both up as Big E, Rey, and Kofi made their way into the rink. They already had their skates on and the only one that looked even mildly unstable was Big E. The man looked just like Roman and Dean, like a newborn baby deer. He wobbled and held onto Kofi's shoulders, shaking his head when they were directly across from The Shield.

A ref glided in effortlessly, six hockey sticks in-hand. He glided to each of them, handing them one per man and then gliding in between them. Lillian spoke up from her spot by the timekeeper.

"Ladies and gentleman, the following is a match set for onefall. The first team to successfully break their hockey stick on their opponent wins!" She informed them cheerfully.

"_What?!" _Roman and Dean snapped. The bell rung and Seth was gone, spinning wildly and laughing his two-toned head off.

"He's insane. He's fucking insane" Dean muttered, shaking his head.

"You're the one to talk" Roman countered. Dean rolled his eyes and the two began their awkward journey, clinging to one another as they tried to make their way over to the other team. Their plan was to get close enough and swing as hard as possible so they didn't have to deal with this embarrassing match anymore.

As soon as they were within arm's reach, Roman let go of Dean, about to swing at Kofi. The man saw him and swerved out of the way just as Big E swung as well. The man hit Roman right in the face and Dean froze, staring up at the Samoan man as he fell back on his ass, his hair going everywhere as a small spot dangerously close to his eye began to bleed profusely. "Oh, shit" Dean hissed.

Seth-who was across the rink fending off Rey-saw Roman go down and something in him momentarily snapped. He sped across the rink, his hair a blonde and brunette trail as he appeared at Big E's side in no time, swinging hard and breaking his stick over the man's chest. He hissed and the bell rung, signaling the Shield's win. Seth got down on his knees beside Roman and touched the spot by his eye, wincing when he pulled his fingertips back bloody.

Dean rubbed his temples and was about to try and help his team mate up when the lights dimmed. He couldn't help but to roll his eyes.

'_Here we fucking go'_

Bray appeared on the screen, a Hawiian-print bubble vest with Luke and Erick right behind him, both in jackets. Dean snorted.

"_Boys, You aren't ready for this war. You aren't ready to die like this. You three are just pawns-_" Bray suddenly wasn't in the shot anymore and the camera toppled over with Bray on the floor. The trio in the rink could see the skates on Bray's feet from the way the camera fell. The Shield immediately began laughing and Dean signaled a ref to bring him a mic. He snatched it up, wiping away a tear.

"Oooooo, so spooky, Bray! I guess you're gonna haunt us with those pink skates, right?" He snickered. Seth laughed loudly and Roman chuckled, pressing his palm to his eye to stop the bleeding. Bray slowly raised his head, leering at them through his curtain of hair and Luke grabbed the camera, fumbling with it for a moment before it finally cut off.

(Backstage)

Punk stared at the screen with a blank look. He _was_ planning on crashing Raw, dropping a few pipebombs, and leaving.

But now…

"Where you going, bro?" Zack questioned as Punk turned to leave. Punk shook his head and continued walking.

"Back to Chicago, fuck this"


End file.
